Flashing Thomas The Tank Engine

I had so much fun making my, "Telletubbies Unmasked" artwork, I decided to confront my greatest childhood fear: Thomas the Tank Engine (I confronted him with a naked person). Truth is, I really don't know a lot about Thomas, because I always changed the channel when I stumbled upon his f'd up show!!! I remember that his face was surreal and spooky and his expressions made me think that he had "Loco Motives" (Sorry couldn't resist the pun :). Ironically, I loved "The Transformers" which featured talking cars and trucks but, for whatever reason, Thomas creeped me out!

Despite my irrational fear, I concede that a show about a talking train, was FAR from the strangest thing on children's television.

Exhibit A: The Smurfs- HMMM....The Smurfs were tiny little asexual blue communists, controlled and manipulated by (Red) Papa Smurf (Who is part scientist, part father figure, but clearly rules the Smurfs with an iron fist). They live in mushrooms in the middle of a forest and had a male to female ratio similar to the Armed Forces.....Where is Mama Smurf? I guess having 20 boys and 1 girl would make any woman suicidal (Thats a lot of Smurftosterone)! Gargamel and the Cat....Let's not go there.

Exhibit B: Super Mario Brothers- Two chubby "Faux-talian" plumbers travel through an Alice-In-Wonderland type world to save a princess being held captive by a dinosaur-esque thingey named Bowser. Oh, im not done- When Mario or Luigi touch a muchroom (HMMM, SHROOMS HERE TOO), they quadruple in size. They also travel through pipes to travel between the underworld and the overworld. Nice!....Could Happen!

Exhibit C: Scooby Doo- Talking dog.....munchies all the time.......seeing ghosts.........mystery mobile........Scooby Snacks....made in the 60's and 70's before advanced drug testing......HMMM......

When I wikipedia'd Thomas the Train, I learned that it was created by a British Priest. The plot seems RELATIVELY normal. I am over my fears now. Thanks for reading my rant!
Merrill Kazanjian